Cars and People Are Alike
Both Can Be Empty or Full
When They Are Empty, There Will Be a Signal of Emptiness
"How do we interpret signals of emptiness in cars? When the car gives us the same old signal again, do I we think the car has a problem or is boring? When the signal of emptiness reappears, do we think the car is ungrateful or attacking us? When the empty signal comes back, do we interpret the signal as complaining about us? Does the car signal emptiness, because there is a weakness in us?
The correct answer to all of the questions is NO. We know the truth about cars, emptiness and the gas gauge. There is a logical association between the signal and state of emptiness or fullness in the car. We do not personalize or psychoanalyze the signals of emptiness in cars. We do not make a he and in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in psychological judgments about why our car signals empty to us. We know the reality about cars, car gauges and fuel.
In humans the form and pleasantness of a signal is not important. Only the function of the signal is important. Signals of emptiness in humans change frequently and vary in intensity. The qualities, types, and intensities of human signals are not important.
When these signals occur, do not analyze their nature or content, just interpret them as signals. All you need to recognize is the reality that you or others are empty and deprived of needs or wants, when signals surface. Focus your attention on the emptiness instead of the content of the signals. Don’t dwell on the signals.
In human relationships the appearances of signals of emptiness, often times, are interpreted as problems. Men often react to a woman as if her crying and wanting to be loved is a problem. Women sometimes identify a man’s anger as a problem. When signals of emptiness are interpreted as problems, you can bet that there will be escalating problems in that relationship. Why would a man choose to believe that a woman has a problem and get upset over a woman’s crying signal instead of loving her?
Why would a woman make a problem out of the man’s expression of anger, instead of responding to the man’s need or want? The answer is most people don’t understand emptiness and signals of emptiness in humans.
People will have recurrent emptiness and signals of emptiness. One of the hardest tasks in a relationship is to not personalize signals of emptiness from others. A signal of emptiness from your significant other is not an attack on you. A signal of emptiness from your significant other is not a criticism or demand. The woman who cries and pleads for love is not trying to communicate that her significant other is bad, inadequate, insensitive and unable to satisfy her. The woman simply is expressing her wish to be loved and to love. She does not want to be responded to as if she is weak, immature, ungrateful, demanding and never satisfied. You guessed it; the woman only wants to have a loving relationship now and whenever she is empty again.
Liikewise, the angry man does not want to frighten, control, destroy, criticize, reject, or push away his significant other. The angry man does not want his significant other to feel attacked, guilty, insecure, inadequate, unloved, worthless and unable to satisfy him. The angry man only wants to have a relationship with his significant other now and when the signal appears in the future."
These quotations from The Wake-Up Choice, which is an independent chapter in my book I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices!
Please recognize your and your significant other's signals of emptiness, so you can satisfy each other's wants and needs; while at the same time avoiding misunderstandings and escalating conflicts.
Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!
Dr. Hal
Life and Mental Fitness Coach
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