North Star Mental Fitness

Waiting for the Perfect Time

"Perfect times"; waiting for "perfect times" was the driving theme in his life. 

He was a muscular man.  For over 40 years he has been a body builder. He was a hard working, retired factory worker.  For forty years he labored in the factory, looking forward to the "perfect times" of retirement.  Now, he has been retired for over one year.

Looking back over his career and retirement, he became angry.

"I was waiting for the perfect time.  It never came."

Willing & Acceptance

Willing to accept is a key to success.  Today I talked to a proud man with 60 days of sobriety.  He has been working his program passionately.

It is amazing what he has learned about the importance of being willing and not resisting the necessity for changes in his life. 

Acceptance has become a new reality in his life and not just in regard to drinking.

Feeling Unloved?

ARE YOU SICK AND TIRED OF FEELING "UNLOVED"?

ARE YOU THE WOMAN?

Are you sick and tired of being the woman or girlfriend who loves that special man in your life, only to frequently feel “unloved”?

Are you sick and tired of simply wanting to have a more loving relationship with your husband or boyfriend and that man in your life never seems to understand that all you want is to be loved?

Have you lost the excitement of spontaneously loving and feeling loved by the man in your life, because he always seems to misunderstand, hesitate, withdraw or become angry when you verbalize that you want to be loved?

Are you afraid to verbalize that you feel "unloved" and want to be loved, because your man’s failure to understand and love you spontaneously becomes too painful?

Are you very determined to feel loved and continue to communicate your need to feel loved, only to have increasingly, painful arguments and greater distance in your relationships?

ARE YOU THE MAN?

Are you sick and tired of being the husband or boyfriend who loves that special woman in your life, only to frequently hear the special woman in your life verbalize she is feeling “unloved again by you”?

Are you sick and tired of feeling nagged by the woman in your life? Do you perceive the woman in your life as demanding to be loved? Do you feel the woman in your life never seems satisfied by you?

Do you feel criticized and wonder what you did wrong, when the woman in your life pleads with you that she is feeling “unloved”?

Do you feel that you can never love your woman enough? Do you
sometimes withdraw or become angry, because of feeling inadequate and unable to satisfy your woman?

FEELING UNLOVED IS INEVITABLE

There is no doubt that feeling "unloved" is inevitable in relationships between men and women. Unfortunately, communication about feeling "unloved" can intensify what is wrong in a relationship rather than bringing greater closeness, emotional warmth, sensitivity and spontaneity in loving and feeling loved.

There is hope for you and your relationships even when you have had great disappointments and conflicts over feeling "unloved"! Even current conflicts over feeling unloved in your relationships can be overcome and transformed into having the loving relationships you've always wanted and need. To reduce conflicts over feeling unloved, love! Then love, love and love!

Unfortunately, people usually continue with their usual and customary ways of coping with the reality of feeling "unloved". As long as people continue to express their usual and customary behaviors instead of loving, feelings of being unloved will intensify and destroy the relationship.

NURTURING WAYS TO THINK ABOUT FEELING "UNLOVED"

It is important to realize that feeling "unloved" is normal and occurs in all relationships.

It is important to realize that when you or your significant other feels "unloved", it is not a sign that you have a bad relationship.

It is important to realize that when your significant other tells you he or she feels "unloved", it is not a criticism or an attack on you.

It is important to realize that when you feel “unloved", it does not mean that
your significant other has fallen out of love with you or does not love you.

It is important to realize that when your significant other tells you he or she feels "unloved", that you have not failed in your loving.

It is important to realize that feeling "unloved" is not bad and in fact is good, if you want a better relationship.

It is important to realize that a woman or man's communication of feeling “unloved", is motivated to passionately, jump start a loving relationship immediately!

THERE IS HOPE FOR BOTH WOMEN AND MEN
TO LOVE AND FEEL LOVED!

With the mental fitness program, I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices there are 15 creative ways for turning feelings of being "unloved" into feelings of being loved for both the man and woman. Your relationship can become a relationship of love and feeling loved by applying the choices in I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices. If you want more information on I Live within the Environment Created by my Choices, visit our website at www.northstarmentalfitness.com

If you want a very loving spontaneous relationship with your significant other, we want to provide you with the secrets and skills to love and feel loved in your relationships.

If you want to reduce the emotional conflicts and separation triggered by you or your partner feeling "unloved", we want to provide you with the choices to overcome these problems. Our goal is for you to love and feel loved in your relationships.

Our mission for you is: We want you to feel happy, peace of mind, freedom and control over your life, because you are LOVING your significant other and your significant other is LOVING you.

I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices and the North Star Mental Fitness Program can reduce conflicts associated with feeling "unloved" and transform feelings of being "unloved" into loving relationships!

We want you to have the skills, fitness and experience of turning feelings of being "unloved" into feeling “loved” now and forever.

Remember, You Live in the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Parental Anxiety

I felt the gut-wrenching anxiety only a parent would know in regard to his or her child. The anxiety you just can't escape.  It's in your body and mind.  You can't sleep.  It is with you all the time.

When parenting and anxiety come together, the age of the child does not matter.  Even when children become adults and self-sufficient, the anxiety does not recede.

60,000 Thoughts a Day

How many thoughts to you have on a daily basis?  According to Possibility Coaches, we have approximately 60,000 thoughts a day.

That is a lot of thoughts.  Out of your 60,000 thoughts yesterday, how many of them were determined by your conscious mind?  Did you purposely choose to change a thought or make a new thought?  Did you question any of your thoughts?  Did you decide that any of your thoughts were wrong or lies? 

Did you consciously began to think differently than in the past, because you want to change your life?  Did you consciously decide to frequently repeat thoughts in order to change the quality of your life including how you feel?

These questions are extremely important for you to consider and answer.  Most of our thoughts are automatic and not consciously created by us.  Unfortunately many of our thoughts are determined by past disappointments, fears, anxieties, painful issues and unsolved problems.  As a result, we frequently have automatic negative thoughts that control our mind and destroy our well-being.  Because we are so gullible to our own thinking, we accept our thinking as true even when it is not.

I urge you to interrupt the repetitive pattern of absorbing the same worn-out thoughts as true.  You do not have to be a prisoner to your own thinking.

If you want freedom, happiness, peace of mind and control of your life, then it is mandatory that you consciously take control of your thinking!

How you think will determine how you feel, act, and relate.  How you think will determine the quality and destiny of your life.  True mental fitness is determined by consciously interrupting the pattern of automatic thinking and consciously thinking thoughts that will provide you with a window of opportunity to be the person you really want to be.

Remember, We Live within the Lives Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Stretch Your Mind

"One's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions".

This wonderful quotation was made by Oliver Wendell Holmes.

The essence of mental fitness is expressed by Oliver Wendell Holmes' quotation. In order to grow our mind and have a healthy, strong minds, we need to find new ways to think or new ideas to expand our comfort zone.

Isn't it comforting and exciting to know that once we really stretch our minds with a new idea, our minds never regain its original dimension . New ideas challenge the tyranny of our past and usual way of thinking about ourselves and our lives.

New ideas can refresh and remodel our lives. We need to add new ideas into our minds so we can turn our failures into successes or turn our weaknesses into strengths.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Thoughts!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

 

 

 

It Doesn't Matter

"It Doesn't Matter" she said to herself.   She was a married woman who loved her husband and cared deeply for him.  She was distraught and sorry for hurting her husband again.  Once again, she had been unfaithful to him.

There was no doubt that it did matter to her.  It mattered that she remain married.  She really wanted to have a good relationship with her husband.  She was empathetic regarding her husband's pain.  She wanted to stop her new husband.  So why, did she continue to devastate her husband?

I believe that it was the result of an ANT.  Dr. Daniel Amen defined an ANT as an Automatic Negative Thought.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WAS HER ANT! 

What Is Your Goal for Yourself?

So many people lack goals for themselves.  Too many people fail to set relationship goals.  I was talking to a man separated from the woman he loved.  He felt distraught over their separation and almost resigned to living in a way he did not want.

Relationship Momentum

Today I'd like to borrow a term from sports and apply it to relationships.  The word is

MOMENTUM!

How to Think about His Anger & Her Crying for Love

Cars and People Are Alike

Both Can Be Empty or Full

 When They Are Empty, There Will Be a Signal of Emptiness

"How do we interpret signals of emptiness in cars?  When the car gives us the same old signal again, do I we think the car has a problem or is boring?  When the signal of emptiness reappears, do we think the car is ungrateful or attacking us?  When the empty signal comes back, do we interpret the signal as complaining about us?  Does the car signal emptiness, because there is a weakness in us? 

The correct answer to all of the questions is NO.  We know the truth about cars, emptiness and the gas gauge.  There is a logical association between the signal and state of emptiness or fullness in the car.  We do not personalize or psychoanalyze the signals of emptiness in cars.  We do not make a he and in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in psychological judgments about why our car signals empty to us. We know the reality about cars, car gauges and fuel.  

In humans the form and pleasantness of a signal is not important.  Only the function of the signal is important.  Signals of emptiness in humans change frequently and vary in intensity.  The qualities, types, and intensities of human signals are not important. 

When these signals occur, do not analyze their nature or content, just interpret them as signals.  All you need to recognize is the reality that you or others are empty and deprived of needs or wants, when signals surface.  Focus your attention on the emptiness instead of the content of the signals.  Don’t dwell on the signals.

In human relationships the appearances of signals of emptiness, often times, are interpreted as problems.  Men often react to a woman as if her crying and wanting to be loved is a problem.  Women sometimes identify a man’s anger as a problem.  When signals of emptiness are interpreted as problems, you can bet that there will be escalating problems in that relationship.  Why would a man choose to believe that a woman has a problem and get upset over a woman’s crying signal instead of loving her? 

Why would a woman make a problem out of the man’s expression of anger, instead of responding to the man’s need or want?  The answer is most people don’t understand emptiness and signals of emptiness in humans.

People will have recurrent emptiness and signals of emptiness. One of the hardest tasks in a relationship is to not personalize signals of emptiness from others.  A signal of emptiness from your significant other is not an attack on you.  A signal of emptiness from your significant other is not a criticism or demand.  The woman who cries and pleads for love is not trying to communicate that her significant other is bad, inadequate, insensitive and unable to satisfy her.  The woman simply is expressing her wish to be loved and to love.  She does not want to be responded to as if she is weak, immature, ungrateful, demanding and never satisfied.  You guessed it; the woman only wants to have a loving relationship now and whenever she is empty again. 

Liikewise, the angry man does not want to frighten, control, destroy, criticize, reject, or push away his significant other.  The angry man does not want his significant other to feel attacked, guilty, insecure, inadequate, unloved, worthless and unable to satisfy him.  The angry man only wants to have a relationship with his significant other now and when the signal appears in the future."

These quotations from The Wake-Up Choice, which is an independent chapter in my book I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices!

Please recognize your and your significant other's signals of emptiness, so you can satisfy each other's wants and needs; while at the same time avoiding misunderstandings and escalating conflicts.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach