North Star Mental Fitness

Self care is taking care of me!

The motive "I want to take care of me" is the North Star inside of you. Unfortunately, many people are not aware of this motive.

For many people the motive sounds selfish. Are you selfish, if you fill your car's gas tank at a self-serve gas station?

No, you are not selfish if you have the money and can fill your gas tank.

Similarly, you are not selfish, if you make decisions to take care of you.

• You are not selfish, when you satisfy your wants and needs.
• You are not selfish, when you have a balanced life.
• You are not selfish, when you successfully accomplish your goals and live your dreams.
• You are not selfish, when you live your values.
• You are not selfish, when you have fun in your life.
• You are not selfish, when you have sensitive and satisfying relationships.

Let the motive, "I want to take care of me," be your North Star. Let the motive "I want to take care of me" ground you and give you a clear, dependable, guiding light for your life.

Remember, You Live in the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

North Star and Mental Fitness

What is your North Star? What keeps you on course in your life? What is your guiding light? What keeps you focused?

When life is difficult, discouraging and challenging, how do you keep motivated? Do you turn to religion, science, family, friends, activities, substances for direction and for a feeling of well being?

Have religion, science, family, friends, activities, and substances become your North Star?

Is your North Star inside or outside of you?

Religion, science, family, friends, activities, and healthy substances can bring meaning and satisfaction to your life. As long as these influences are outside of you, you are following the wrong North Star.

There has to be a North Star inside of you to keep you on target for integrating all of these influences into your life in a healthy and meaningful way.

What is your inside North Star. Our suggestion for your inside North Star can be viewed and discovered at northstarmentalfitness.com.

Remember, You Live in the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Walk Out of Depression and Anxiety

Do you want to avoid psychiatric medications?

If you do, consider walking.

Jasper Smits is a researchers and director of the Anxiety Research and Treatment Program at Southern Methodist University in Dallas.  Dr. Smits reported the following findings regarding walking. 

“Individuals who exercise report fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression, and lower levels of stress and anger. Exercise appears to affect, like an antidepressant, particular neurotransmitter systems in the brain, and it helps patients with depression re-establish positive behaviors. For patients with anxiety disorders, exercise reduces their fears of fear and related bodily sensations such as a racing heart and rapid breathing.”

Why not begin walking today?  Why not choose to be less anxious and depressed?

Remember, We Live within the Bodies Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

It Doesn't Matter

"It Doesn't Matter" she said to herself.   She was a married woman who loved her husband and cared deeply for him.  She was distraught and sorry for hurting her husband again.  Once again, she had been unfaithful to him.

There was no doubt that it did matter to her.  It mattered that she remain married.  She really wanted to have a good relationship with her husband.  She was empathetic regarding her husband's pain.  She wanted to stop her new husband.  So why, did she continue to devastate her husband?

I believe that it was the result of an ANT.  Dr. Daniel Amen defined an ANT as an Automatic Negative Thought.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WAS HER ANT! 

MAKE CHILD'S CHOICES OR YOU WILL MESS UP!

THE CHILD CHOICES and the criteria for “messing up” are similar.  Both “messing up” and THE CHILD CHOICES are emotional, irrational and have no concern for possible consequences.  Impulsive or unconsciously determined CHILD CHOICES can result in “messing up”.  “Messing up” such as addictions, criminal activities, relationship conflicts, refusal to care for health and all the other ways people “mess up” are similar to CHILD CHOICES.  Both CHILD CHOICES and “messing up” are highly emotional, irrational and not concerned about consequences.   

Although “messing up” and CHILD CHOICES are similar in their make-up, CHILD CHOICES should not be equated with “messing up”. 

What Is the Best Single Exercise for You?

Gretchen Reynolds summarized some of the recommended choices for the best single exercise in her article, What Is the Single Best Exercise. 

Are You Prepared for Life without Success?

What defines you?  Are you defined by your successes, failures or roles in your life?  If you define yourself by your successes, what happens when you are no longer capable of being successful?

Are You Prepared for Life without Success?

Let us take mothers for example.  How many women define themselves as mothers for many years during the parenting time of their lives.  Then comes the empty nest.  Many mothers have difficulty with the empty nest, because they have identified themselves as  "mother".  They have not prepared themselves for life without mothering.

We could also think about the successful athlete, entertainer or artist who could be easily tempted to define themselves by their successes.  If a successful athlete's identity is determined by their accomplishments in the world of sports, what happens to them when they no longer are able to engage in their sport.  Are they prepared for life without their success?

Lately I've been aware of married people, who lost their partners.  Some of them have not been prepared for life without their partner.

Everyday there are people who are losing, retiring or changing their jobs.  Some of these people are not prepared to deal with life without their vocational identity.

We could even consider those who are struggling with illnesses.  Many people are not prepared for dealing with life once their health deterioraes. 

We will define ourselves differently and we certainly will defines success differently. 

I read a very interesting article by Eric Adelson on Greg Harden.  Mr. Harden has been like a Life Coach behind the scenes at the University of Michigan.  He has helped professional athletes such as Tom Brady navigate through the difficult times in their lives.  He has taught them to focus in on what they can control and achieve in their lives.  He also has prepared them for life without sports.

Eric wrote "That’s really the essence of what Harden does: he prepares athletes for a life without athletic success. Because eventually, athletic success will end. So Harden challenges athletes to gauge their worth without relying on plays or stats or wins."

I ask you the question:

 Are You Prepared for Life without Success?

Remember, We Live within the Lives Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

The Wake up Choice

The Wake up Choice is a reframing choice to improve your life by reinterpreting or reframing the problems and symptoms in your life as signals of emptinesss. 

No matter what your problem, the problem is signaling that you are empty inside.  Likewise, no matter what symptom you are experiencing, it is a signal that you are empty inside.

For example, signals of emptiness could be anything including:

• depression = signal of emptiness,
• anxiety = signal of emptiness,
• anger problems = signal of emptiness.
• criminal activity = signal of emptiness,
• relationship conflicts = signal of emptiness,
• financial problems = signal of emptiness,
• parenting problems - signal of emptiness or 
• panful thoughts or feelings - signal of emptiness.

 Rather than dwelling on the signals of emptiness, learn to read the signals.  The above signals are not the "real problem" even though they usually thought to be real problems.

When you have a signal of emptiness, it is necessary to figure out what you want, what you need and then take action to get what you want or need.  After you have taken action to achieve your wants and needs, the signals of emptiness will no longer be present.

However, your signals of emptiness will return, when you are empty and you do not have what you want or need.  You will have an empty signal, when you have not been taking good care of yourself.  This process is very normal.  It is very normal to have signals of emptiness so we can take action to satisfy our wants and needs or make good decisions to take care of ourselves. Learn to make the Wake Up Choice.

THE WAKE UP CHOICE:  I Wake up to the Realities of Emptiness and the Signals of Emptiness in Others and Myself!

 The next time you become aware of a problem, interpret it as a signal. Find out what you want, need or need to do to take care of yourself.  Then go for it.

Remember You I Live in the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental FItness Coach

 

The Wake up Choice is one of the chapters from my book, I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices!

Health and Taking Care of You

Oftentimes, it is extremely difficult to remember or take the time to do what is necessary to maximize our good health.  It seems that as we get older, there are more things that need to be done just to keep moving.  It is easy to get discouraged and forget to follow through with our never ending prescriptions for good health.

The number of medications increases.  Exercise no longer is sufficient.  More and more specific procedures are prescribed.  We are given exercises for specific parts of the body are necessary.  We have more and more individually designed braces, etc.  More and more doctors become involved in our lives.  More and more forms of therapy.  Keeping and maintaining good health is not for sissies. 

I have found that sometimes it is easier to motivate myself to do what is necessary for my health by focusing on the bigger picture.  The big picture is "I am committed to taking care of me"!  I now do or try to do whatever is necessary to take care of me.  When I take a medication and think of it as taking care of me rather than just as taking a medication, it seems to change my mindset.  I feel more committed and happier to perform all of the daunting tasks necessary for good health. 

Remember, only you can take good care of you!  Perform the tedious and routine necessities for maintaining good health, by focusing on the real important issue.  You have the opportunity to take care of youself? 

Three Ways of Thinking about Time

How you think about time is extremely relevant as we live in such changing times.  One of my clients shared these three ideas with me.  His ideas were:

1. Be cognizant of your past,


2. Live in the present, and


3. Adapt to the future.

I liked these three ideas.  Too often we allow our past to consciously or unconsciously determine our present, rather than just recognizing our past.  Too often we fail to live in the present due to worry, anxiety or depression.  Too often we fail to realize that life is continually changing and we must adapt in the future.

I believe that this would be a good guide for people to follow as they progress through the various stages of life.  I believe that these ideas are also a good guide for coping with aging and the problems of changing health.