North Star Mental Fitness

Mental Fitness and Childhood

Dad and Mental Fitness may seem like a strange combination.  To me they are intimately connected.  My Dad taught me me a lot about life, love, giving, and success

I was raised after the great depression.  As a child I experienced the victory at the end of World War II.  I recall the rationing of gas, food stamps, and no or limited food in stores.

Above all, I remember what my Dad taught me about life and success.   

Feeling Unloved?

ARE YOU SICK AND TIRED OF FEELING "UNLOVED"?

ARE YOU THE WOMAN?

Are you sick and tired of being the woman or girlfriend who loves that special man in your life, only to frequently feel “unloved”?

Are you sick and tired of simply wanting to have a more loving relationship with your husband or boyfriend and that man in your life never seems to understand that all you want is to be loved?

Have you lost the excitement of spontaneously loving and feeling loved by the man in your life, because he always seems to misunderstand, hesitate, withdraw or become angry when you verbalize that you want to be loved?

Are you afraid to verbalize that you feel "unloved" and want to be loved, because your man’s failure to understand and love you spontaneously becomes too painful?

Are you very determined to feel loved and continue to communicate your need to feel loved, only to have increasingly, painful arguments and greater distance in your relationships?

ARE YOU THE MAN?

Are you sick and tired of being the husband or boyfriend who loves that special woman in your life, only to frequently hear the special woman in your life verbalize she is feeling “unloved again by you”?

Are you sick and tired of feeling nagged by the woman in your life? Do you perceive the woman in your life as demanding to be loved? Do you feel the woman in your life never seems satisfied by you?

Do you feel criticized and wonder what you did wrong, when the woman in your life pleads with you that she is feeling “unloved”?

Do you feel that you can never love your woman enough? Do you
sometimes withdraw or become angry, because of feeling inadequate and unable to satisfy your woman?

FEELING UNLOVED IS INEVITABLE

There is no doubt that feeling "unloved" is inevitable in relationships between men and women. Unfortunately, communication about feeling "unloved" can intensify what is wrong in a relationship rather than bringing greater closeness, emotional warmth, sensitivity and spontaneity in loving and feeling loved.

There is hope for you and your relationships even when you have had great disappointments and conflicts over feeling "unloved"! Even current conflicts over feeling unloved in your relationships can be overcome and transformed into having the loving relationships you've always wanted and need. To reduce conflicts over feeling unloved, love! Then love, love and love!

Unfortunately, people usually continue with their usual and customary ways of coping with the reality of feeling "unloved". As long as people continue to express their usual and customary behaviors instead of loving, feelings of being unloved will intensify and destroy the relationship.

NURTURING WAYS TO THINK ABOUT FEELING "UNLOVED"

It is important to realize that feeling "unloved" is normal and occurs in all relationships.

It is important to realize that when you or your significant other feels "unloved", it is not a sign that you have a bad relationship.

It is important to realize that when your significant other tells you he or she feels "unloved", it is not a criticism or an attack on you.

It is important to realize that when you feel “unloved", it does not mean that
your significant other has fallen out of love with you or does not love you.

It is important to realize that when your significant other tells you he or she feels "unloved", that you have not failed in your loving.

It is important to realize that feeling "unloved" is not bad and in fact is good, if you want a better relationship.

It is important to realize that a woman or man's communication of feeling “unloved", is motivated to passionately, jump start a loving relationship immediately!

THERE IS HOPE FOR BOTH WOMEN AND MEN
TO LOVE AND FEEL LOVED!

With the mental fitness program, I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices there are 15 creative ways for turning feelings of being "unloved" into feelings of being loved for both the man and woman. Your relationship can become a relationship of love and feeling loved by applying the choices in I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices. If you want more information on I Live within the Environment Created by my Choices, visit our website at www.northstarmentalfitness.com

If you want a very loving spontaneous relationship with your significant other, we want to provide you with the secrets and skills to love and feel loved in your relationships.

If you want to reduce the emotional conflicts and separation triggered by you or your partner feeling "unloved", we want to provide you with the choices to overcome these problems. Our goal is for you to love and feel loved in your relationships.

Our mission for you is: We want you to feel happy, peace of mind, freedom and control over your life, because you are LOVING your significant other and your significant other is LOVING you.

I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices and the North Star Mental Fitness Program can reduce conflicts associated with feeling "unloved" and transform feelings of being "unloved" into loving relationships!

We want you to have the skills, fitness and experience of turning feelings of being "unloved" into feeling “loved” now and forever.

Remember, You Live in the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Gratitude Replaces Anger

I talked to a man who is a recovering alcoholic. He has been a very angry man. Anger from childhood spilled over into his adult relationships. He was angry over being raised by an alcoholic father. He has spent his whole life being angry over what is not there.

He has been angry over what is not there with his father, wife, family and friends. It became very clear to him as well as to me that he needed recovery from his anger as well as from his alcoholism. He has become painfully aware that his anger has alienated him from everyone. He and his wife are separated, but reconciling.

I asked him to write a letter to his deceased father. He was surprised by what he wrote in the letter. He admitted that he has walked a similar path; the path of alcoholism. He admitted that both of them hurt the ones they love, because of their alcoholism.

In his letter to his father, he did not focus on his anger over what was not there. Instead he surprised himself by writing how much he loved his father and how much he wished that his father would've had a happier life without alcohol.

Then he wrote how grateful he was for his father's sacrifices in supporting the family. He had not been aware of the positives provided by his father. He was able to verbalize how grateful he was for his father in spite of his father's alcoholism. He was able to verbalize that he was "proud" of his father.

I have shared this life experiences with you for the following reason. I wanted to ask the question.

Are you angry over what is not there rather than being grateful for what is there in your relationships and life!

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choice!

Dr. Hal

Life and Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Does Your Child Have an Empty Heart?

Read about Empty Heart, if you are a parent who acts as if your children don't feel.  Please read about Empty Heart, if you have purposely, inappropriately or unwittingly rejected or unnecessarily been angry towards your children.

18 Mother's Day Quotes

Happy Mothers Day!

For those of you

• who are without your mother today 
• emjoying your mother 
• being a mother or
• beconing a mother
  
  
  Let us remember our mothers and the importance of mothers!

Please Enjoy these "Mother" Quotations

 

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. -- Washington Irving (1783-1859)

"The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness." -- Honore' de Balzac (1799-1850)

"My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her." -- George Washington (1732-1799)

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother." -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." -- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

"God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers." -- Jewish proverb

"The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom." -- Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887)

"Youth fades; love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's secret hope outlives them all." -- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)

Most mothers are instinctive philosophers. Harriet Beecher Stowe

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. Marion C. Garretty

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. Unknown

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. Peter De Vries

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. Tenneva Jordan

If the whole world were put into one scale, and my mother in the other, the whole world would kick the beam. Lord Langdale aka Henry Bickersteth)

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  Rajneesh

Mother - that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries. T. DeWitt Talmage

A mother understands what a child does not say. Unknown

Thank You Mothers.

We Live Within the Worlds and Mindsets Created by Our Mothers!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

How Important Are Grandparents?

From a sociological perspective, more and more grandparents are spending their golden years taking care of their grandchildren.  In many societies, grand parenting is a vital part of the family structure.  In our highly mobile society, grandparents are not involved within the family structure.  In our highly disposable society, grandparents may also become disposable.

At least, sometimes, grandparents feel as if there is an expiration date on their relationship with their grandchildren.  Grandparents may feel insecure in their place within the family structure.  They may question their importance.  Some grandparents are fearful of over-extending their boundaries and fearful of self-actualizing in their role as a grandparent.

In the last few weeks, I've been talking to a man who has been extremely concerned about his grandson.  This grandfather had  bonded with his grandson and now does not have any contact with his grandson.  This grandfather made a very difficult decision.  His daughter was abusing drugs.  He confronted his daughter.  Since she was resistant to entering substance abuse treatment, he asked her to leave his home.  She took her son and has refused any contact between her son and the grandfather.  

I have also been talking to a man who has been a wife's nightmare.  He has been a serial cheater.  Analysis of his childhood indicated that he was always fearful of his mother removing him from his grandmother.  He perceived his grandmother as loving him.  He became fearful of forming close relationships.  His wife became like his grandmother.  He knew his wife loved him.  Whenever there was potential conflict, he ran away from his wife into another relationship.

As I thought about these two men, I began thinking about the importance of grand parenting.  Grand parenting can provide psychological security, love, values and stability for grandchildren.  Grand parenting can definitely assist parents in raising their children.

I ask you, how important is grand parenting in your family?  Is it important for you to have grandparents play a crucial role in raising your children?  It is important for your  children's grandparents to feel secure, spontaneous and free to be themselves with your children?

Remember, We Live WIthin the Families Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Mother and Grandmother Issues

Relationships are often times very difficult.  At tiesm relationships between mothers and grandmothers are especially difficult.  I am quite sure that the relationships between mothers and grandmothers can be associated with tremendous emotional pain for both the mothers and grandmothers.

Announcing the Mind Fitness Newsletter

For a long time I have been blogging.  In fact, I have made 350 posts.  I have enjoyed the new acquaintances I have made, including fellow bloggers with similar interests.  I have especially enjoyed and appreciated the comments made by readers of my blog.

As you may have noticed, the frequency of my posts has decreased.  I have been researching various ideas for increasing interpersonal interaction and communication between myself and the readers of this blog.  Blogging has been way too impersonal form me and I think for most of my readers.

I want to know my readers.  I want to know  your feelings, thoughts and goals.  I want to interact with you, my readers, while you are applying mental fitness concepts to improve the quality of your lives.  I want to know where you are stuck and where you are progressing.

I have chosen to start a newsletter by the name of "Mind Fitness".  I have some great ideas regarding how to make mental fitness more personal and interactive.  I'll also be asking you for your ideas.

You may have noticed on the upper right corner of my blog, there is a "Sign Me Up" place for you to click and become a recipient of the newsletter.  The newsletter will be free.  I hope you will sign up.  However, I hope you will only sign up if you want to interact and feel empowered in applying mental fitness in your life.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

What You See and Hear Is Wired By Experience

Research in brain neuroplasticity is destroying the simplicity of my understanding of our brains, senses and perceptions of reality.

Before I began reading about brain neuroplasticity, my understanding of the brain and senses was unsophisticated, logical and supported by traditional knowledge.

I am wrongly believed that my eyes communicated to my brain what was in my eye's view.  Likewise, I was again wrong in believing that what was my ears heard was heard by everybody the same way as long as their ears were functioning well.  I thought what I heard was accurately sent through my ears to the brain.

New research has shown that what we see, hear or sense is determined by past sensory experience.  In other words, what we see is determined by past visual experience and what we hear is determined by past auditory experience.

Jeffrey M. Schwartz, M.D. and Sharon Begley reported some very exciting research in their book, The Mind and the Brain, Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force.

This research is very important for parents.

Patricia Kuhl, is a leading authority in speech development.  Patricia studied Canadian babies raised in English-speaking homes.   

"Six-month-old babies could distinguish Hindi speech sounds even though the sounds were not part of their auditory world; by twelve months they could not.

Between six and 12 months, Kuhl concludes, the babies' brains began the "use it or lose it" process of pruning unused synapses.  The auditory cortex loses its sensitivity to phonemes that it has not heard everyday.  This may be why children who do not learn a second language before puberty rarely learn to speak like natives.

The reverse is true, too: connections that are used become stronger, even permanent elements of the neural circuitry.

Everything a newborn sees, hears, feels, tastes, and smells has the potential to shape the nascent circuits of their brain.  The brain is literally wired by experience, with sights, sounds, feelings, and thoughts leaving a sort of neural trace on circuits of the cortex so that future sights, sounds, feelings, thoughts and other inputs and mental activity are experienced differently than they would have otherwise be."

This research validates the importance of parents talking, reading and stimulating their children at an early age in order to enrich their children's brain activity.  The research suggests that the absence or poor quality of sensory stimulation for children, may have very damaging effects on their children's senses and brains.  Likewise, enriched sensory experience for children will create senses and brains with greater sensory acuity and efficiency. 

To a certain degree children live with the brains stimulated by life experiences provided by their parents.  Children's brains and sensors are not just genetically determined.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Relationship Make-Overs

Relationship Make-Overs available here:  Are you interested in a relationship make-over?

Has your relationship grown old and boring?  Are you no longer feeling excitement and emotionally important?  Have the problems and responsibilities of life exhausted your relationship?  Has intimacy and love withered?  Do your problems seem over-whelming?

If you are committed to a relationship which has lost its brilliance, you need a relationship make-over! 

Are you committed to your relationship, but don't know how to rekindle your passion?

A relationship make-over will refresh or reawaken love.  One major way to make-over your relationship is to identify your relationship values and start communicating these values.  Often times, the problems in life drain us of energy.  Emotions get turned off or emotionally escalate out of control.  When emotions are dying or flaring destructively, communicating values can provide security and rekindle love. 

I found a website nameed Love Quotes and Quotations.  There were two quotations which are relevant to yesterday and today's blog.  These quotes are:

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is Love."
~Sophocles~

"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved."
~George Sand~

Remember, You Live Within the Environment Created by Your Love Choices!

For more information on identifying and communicating values to repair and strengthen relationships, Dr. Hal Sommerschield, a Clinical Psychologist for over 30 years, has written The Relationship Choice.  Dr. Hal has written about 15 different strategies to create mental fitness, which strategies can be used to give your relationship a make-over.  He coaches individual coaching clients and teaches professionals how to use this strategies with their clients.