North Star Mental Fitness

Children's Anxiety Following an Accident

Children's anxiety can be significantly reduced in play.  Parents, grandparents and friends can play with children and reduce children's anxiety at the same time.

Recently, one of my daughters and two of my granddaughters were in a car accident.  Fortunately, no one was hurt.

When I found out about the accident, I immediately recalled a similar accident I had with my son.

Waiting for the Perfect Time

"Perfect times"; waiting for "perfect times" was the driving theme in his life. 

He was a muscular man.  For over 40 years he has been a body builder. He was a hard working, retired factory worker.  For forty years he labored in the factory, looking forward to the "perfect times" of retirement.  Now, he has been retired for over one year.

Looking back over his career and retirement, he became angry.

"I was waiting for the perfect time.  It never came."

Mental Fitness and Childhood

Dad and Mental Fitness may seem like a strange combination.  To me they are intimately connected.  My Dad taught me me a lot about life, love, giving, and success

I was raised after the great depression.  As a child I experienced the victory at the end of World War II.  I recall the rationing of gas, food stamps, and no or limited food in stores.

Above all, I remember what my Dad taught me about life and success.   

Feeling Unloved?

ARE YOU SICK AND TIRED OF FEELING "UNLOVED"?

ARE YOU THE WOMAN?

Are you sick and tired of being the woman or girlfriend who loves that special man in your life, only to frequently feel “unloved”?

Are you sick and tired of simply wanting to have a more loving relationship with your husband or boyfriend and that man in your life never seems to understand that all you want is to be loved?

Have you lost the excitement of spontaneously loving and feeling loved by the man in your life, because he always seems to misunderstand, hesitate, withdraw or become angry when you verbalize that you want to be loved?

Are you afraid to verbalize that you feel "unloved" and want to be loved, because your man’s failure to understand and love you spontaneously becomes too painful?

Are you very determined to feel loved and continue to communicate your need to feel loved, only to have increasingly, painful arguments and greater distance in your relationships?

ARE YOU THE MAN?

Are you sick and tired of being the husband or boyfriend who loves that special woman in your life, only to frequently hear the special woman in your life verbalize she is feeling “unloved again by you”?

Are you sick and tired of feeling nagged by the woman in your life? Do you perceive the woman in your life as demanding to be loved? Do you feel the woman in your life never seems satisfied by you?

Do you feel criticized and wonder what you did wrong, when the woman in your life pleads with you that she is feeling “unloved”?

Do you feel that you can never love your woman enough? Do you
sometimes withdraw or become angry, because of feeling inadequate and unable to satisfy your woman?

FEELING UNLOVED IS INEVITABLE

There is no doubt that feeling "unloved" is inevitable in relationships between men and women. Unfortunately, communication about feeling "unloved" can intensify what is wrong in a relationship rather than bringing greater closeness, emotional warmth, sensitivity and spontaneity in loving and feeling loved.

There is hope for you and your relationships even when you have had great disappointments and conflicts over feeling "unloved"! Even current conflicts over feeling unloved in your relationships can be overcome and transformed into having the loving relationships you've always wanted and need. To reduce conflicts over feeling unloved, love! Then love, love and love!

Unfortunately, people usually continue with their usual and customary ways of coping with the reality of feeling "unloved". As long as people continue to express their usual and customary behaviors instead of loving, feelings of being unloved will intensify and destroy the relationship.

NURTURING WAYS TO THINK ABOUT FEELING "UNLOVED"

It is important to realize that feeling "unloved" is normal and occurs in all relationships.

It is important to realize that when you or your significant other feels "unloved", it is not a sign that you have a bad relationship.

It is important to realize that when your significant other tells you he or she feels "unloved", it is not a criticism or an attack on you.

It is important to realize that when you feel “unloved", it does not mean that
your significant other has fallen out of love with you or does not love you.

It is important to realize that when your significant other tells you he or she feels "unloved", that you have not failed in your loving.

It is important to realize that feeling "unloved" is not bad and in fact is good, if you want a better relationship.

It is important to realize that a woman or man's communication of feeling “unloved", is motivated to passionately, jump start a loving relationship immediately!

THERE IS HOPE FOR BOTH WOMEN AND MEN
TO LOVE AND FEEL LOVED!

With the mental fitness program, I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices there are 15 creative ways for turning feelings of being "unloved" into feelings of being loved for both the man and woman. Your relationship can become a relationship of love and feeling loved by applying the choices in I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices. If you want more information on I Live within the Environment Created by my Choices, visit our website at www.northstarmentalfitness.com

If you want a very loving spontaneous relationship with your significant other, we want to provide you with the secrets and skills to love and feel loved in your relationships.

If you want to reduce the emotional conflicts and separation triggered by you or your partner feeling "unloved", we want to provide you with the choices to overcome these problems. Our goal is for you to love and feel loved in your relationships.

Our mission for you is: We want you to feel happy, peace of mind, freedom and control over your life, because you are LOVING your significant other and your significant other is LOVING you.

I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices and the North Star Mental Fitness Program can reduce conflicts associated with feeling "unloved" and transform feelings of being "unloved" into loving relationships!

We want you to have the skills, fitness and experience of turning feelings of being "unloved" into feeling “loved” now and forever.

Remember, You Live in the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Survival of the fit and mental fitness

Through out the animal kingdom, survival of the fit prevails. Animals as well as humans survive as the result of instinct, good parenting and learning.

What is the motive directing survival behavior in animals? Is the instinctual motive "I want to take care of me"?

What is the motive of the human infant as the infant learns to sit up, crawl, and eventually walk? Are the infant's developmental accomplishments demonstrating the unconscious motive, "I want to take care of me"?

If the infant's growth and development mirrors the motive "I want to take care of me," what happens to this motive as people mature. Why are so many people unaware of the importance of this motive for survival and also for having a meaningful, satisfying life?

• Does the socialization process destroy the passion and motivation generated by the motive "I want to take care of me"?
• Are we over socializing and over-controlling our children, so they feel guilty about being themselves and pursuing their dreams?
• Are we teaching our children to take care of others instead of themselves?
• Are we teaching our children to want and expect others to take care of them?

Are we doing a good job of teaching our children to survive and thrive in a world of terror, expanded horizons and competing values?

Remember, You Live in the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Parental Anxiety

I felt the gut-wrenching anxiety only a parent would know in regard to his or her child. The anxiety you just can't escape.  It's in your body and mind.  You can't sleep.  It is with you all the time.

When parenting and anxiety come together, the age of the child does not matter.  Even when children become adults and self-sufficient, the anxiety does not recede.

Gratitude Replaces Anger

I talked to a man who is a recovering alcoholic. He has been a very angry man. Anger from childhood spilled over into his adult relationships. He was angry over being raised by an alcoholic father. He has spent his whole life being angry over what is not there.

He has been angry over what is not there with his father, wife, family and friends. It became very clear to him as well as to me that he needed recovery from his anger as well as from his alcoholism. He has become painfully aware that his anger has alienated him from everyone. He and his wife are separated, but reconciling.

I asked him to write a letter to his deceased father. He was surprised by what he wrote in the letter. He admitted that he has walked a similar path; the path of alcoholism. He admitted that both of them hurt the ones they love, because of their alcoholism.

In his letter to his father, he did not focus on his anger over what was not there. Instead he surprised himself by writing how much he loved his father and how much he wished that his father would've had a happier life without alcohol.

Then he wrote how grateful he was for his father's sacrifices in supporting the family. He had not been aware of the positives provided by his father. He was able to verbalize how grateful he was for his father in spite of his father's alcoholism. He was able to verbalize that he was "proud" of his father.

I have shared this life experiences with you for the following reason. I wanted to ask the question.

Are you angry over what is not there rather than being grateful for what is there in your relationships and life!

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choice!

Dr. Hal

Life and Life and Mental Fitness Coach

9/11 Hero

William Rodriguez is a Puerto Rican and an American citizen for 19 years. He was employed at the World Trade Center. In his position, he was the only person on site with the master key to unlock the floors in the North Tower.

William Rodriguez was in the North Tower on 911. He escaped with his life. Istead of being satisfied with escaping the attack, he re-entered the North Tower three times. He saved 15 people. H still was not through with his mission.

He led firefighters of the stairway of the North Tower. As they ascended, he continued to unlock the doors. Hundreds of trapped, frightened and hopeless individuals were released and rescued because of his efforts .

I believe that William Rodriguez is a living example of a man with great mental fitness and courage. To read more about William Rodriguez, I refer you to heavenlystrength to read more about William.

William risked his life to save many. Because of the attack, he lost his job and was homeless. In spite of all this adversity, he has remained focused on helping survivors of 9/11.

Let us think of William Rodriguezand and many like him at this time of the year. Let us realize that we too will have opportunities to express our mental fitness and courage. Our opportunities may not be as heroic and dramatic, but they will still be very important and life forming.

Remember We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Mental Fitness for Mothering

Mental fitness training is for people in everyday life. Mental fitness training is to give people options so they can turn recurrent problems and the resulting devastating, emotional pain into new solutions and emotionally satisfying experiences.

No matter how many times the recurrent problems surface of a relationship, most people respond with their "usual, customary and familiar responses".

Usual and customary responses are either highly emotional or intellectual, automatic reactions to another person. Familiar responses are automatic responses that we have learned from our childhood, friends and the media.

In all relationships, there are recurrent problems. A goal of mental fitness is to help people change and avoid the automatically expressed, "usual, customary and familiar " responses that quickly escalate into severe conflicts and emotional pain.

I read about a mother's longing for mental fitness training to help her navigate raising her four teenage children. I'm going to quote from the author of 1000 Days to Fitness.

"Tonight was one of those evenings where every conversation with my daughter turned into an argument, even though the topic of conversation was about keeping her safe and having her feel loved.

When things go wrong in these conversations we both get caught up in emotional outbursts. Neither of us can hold back. We bring out the worst in each other. My focus, being a good mother, translates to her as a nosy, crazed, over-bearing idiot of a woman. And after she cuts me down a few times I actually do become rather crazed and idiotic, to the point that I say things I don’t mean."

If you are a parent who is trying to navigate parenting adolescents and want to to avoid feeling and acting as a "nosy, crazed , over- bearing idiot" of a parent, consider mental fitness training. Although it is difficult to stop "automatic" emotional and intellectual responses, with mental fitness training there are strategies and hope for you.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

What Is Your Goal for Yourself?

So many people lack goals for themselves.  Too many people fail to set relationship goals.  I was talking to a man separated from the woman he loved.  He felt distraught over their separation and almost resigned to living in a way he did not want.