North Star Mental Fitness

Feeling Unloved?

ARE YOU SICK AND TIRED OF FEELING "UNLOVED"?

ARE YOU THE WOMAN?

Are you sick and tired of being the woman or girlfriend who loves that special man in your life, only to frequently feel “unloved”?

Are you sick and tired of simply wanting to have a more loving relationship with your husband or boyfriend and that man in your life never seems to understand that all you want is to be loved?

Have you lost the excitement of spontaneously loving and feeling loved by the man in your life, because he always seems to misunderstand, hesitate, withdraw or become angry when you verbalize that you want to be loved?

Are you afraid to verbalize that you feel "unloved" and want to be loved, because your man’s failure to understand and love you spontaneously becomes too painful?

Are you very determined to feel loved and continue to communicate your need to feel loved, only to have increasingly, painful arguments and greater distance in your relationships?

ARE YOU THE MAN?

Are you sick and tired of being the husband or boyfriend who loves that special woman in your life, only to frequently hear the special woman in your life verbalize she is feeling “unloved again by you”?

Are you sick and tired of feeling nagged by the woman in your life? Do you perceive the woman in your life as demanding to be loved? Do you feel the woman in your life never seems satisfied by you?

Do you feel criticized and wonder what you did wrong, when the woman in your life pleads with you that she is feeling “unloved”?

Do you feel that you can never love your woman enough? Do you
sometimes withdraw or become angry, because of feeling inadequate and unable to satisfy your woman?

FEELING UNLOVED IS INEVITABLE

There is no doubt that feeling "unloved" is inevitable in relationships between men and women. Unfortunately, communication about feeling "unloved" can intensify what is wrong in a relationship rather than bringing greater closeness, emotional warmth, sensitivity and spontaneity in loving and feeling loved.

There is hope for you and your relationships even when you have had great disappointments and conflicts over feeling "unloved"! Even current conflicts over feeling unloved in your relationships can be overcome and transformed into having the loving relationships you've always wanted and need. To reduce conflicts over feeling unloved, love! Then love, love and love!

Unfortunately, people usually continue with their usual and customary ways of coping with the reality of feeling "unloved". As long as people continue to express their usual and customary behaviors instead of loving, feelings of being unloved will intensify and destroy the relationship.

NURTURING WAYS TO THINK ABOUT FEELING "UNLOVED"

It is important to realize that feeling "unloved" is normal and occurs in all relationships.

It is important to realize that when you or your significant other feels "unloved", it is not a sign that you have a bad relationship.

It is important to realize that when your significant other tells you he or she feels "unloved", it is not a criticism or an attack on you.

It is important to realize that when you feel “unloved", it does not mean that
your significant other has fallen out of love with you or does not love you.

It is important to realize that when your significant other tells you he or she feels "unloved", that you have not failed in your loving.

It is important to realize that feeling "unloved" is not bad and in fact is good, if you want a better relationship.

It is important to realize that a woman or man's communication of feeling “unloved", is motivated to passionately, jump start a loving relationship immediately!

THERE IS HOPE FOR BOTH WOMEN AND MEN
TO LOVE AND FEEL LOVED!

With the mental fitness program, I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices there are 15 creative ways for turning feelings of being "unloved" into feelings of being loved for both the man and woman. Your relationship can become a relationship of love and feeling loved by applying the choices in I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices. If you want more information on I Live within the Environment Created by my Choices, visit our website at www.northstarmentalfitness.com

If you want a very loving spontaneous relationship with your significant other, we want to provide you with the secrets and skills to love and feel loved in your relationships.

If you want to reduce the emotional conflicts and separation triggered by you or your partner feeling "unloved", we want to provide you with the choices to overcome these problems. Our goal is for you to love and feel loved in your relationships.

Our mission for you is: We want you to feel happy, peace of mind, freedom and control over your life, because you are LOVING your significant other and your significant other is LOVING you.

I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices and the North Star Mental Fitness Program can reduce conflicts associated with feeling "unloved" and transform feelings of being "unloved" into loving relationships!

We want you to have the skills, fitness and experience of turning feelings of being "unloved" into feeling “loved” now and forever.

Remember, You Live in the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Parental Anxiety

I felt the gut-wrenching anxiety only a parent would know in regard to his or her child. The anxiety you just can't escape.  It's in your body and mind.  You can't sleep.  It is with you all the time.

When parenting and anxiety come together, the age of the child does not matter.  Even when children become adults and self-sufficient, the anxiety does not recede.

Gratitude Replaces Anger

I talked to a man who is a recovering alcoholic. He has been a very angry man. Anger from childhood spilled over into his adult relationships. He was angry over being raised by an alcoholic father. He has spent his whole life being angry over what is not there.

He has been angry over what is not there with his father, wife, family and friends. It became very clear to him as well as to me that he needed recovery from his anger as well as from his alcoholism. He has become painfully aware that his anger has alienated him from everyone. He and his wife are separated, but reconciling.

I asked him to write a letter to his deceased father. He was surprised by what he wrote in the letter. He admitted that he has walked a similar path; the path of alcoholism. He admitted that both of them hurt the ones they love, because of their alcoholism.

In his letter to his father, he did not focus on his anger over what was not there. Instead he surprised himself by writing how much he loved his father and how much he wished that his father would've had a happier life without alcohol.

Then he wrote how grateful he was for his father's sacrifices in supporting the family. He had not been aware of the positives provided by his father. He was able to verbalize how grateful he was for his father in spite of his father's alcoholism. He was able to verbalize that he was "proud" of his father.

I have shared this life experiences with you for the following reason. I wanted to ask the question.

Are you angry over what is not there rather than being grateful for what is there in your relationships and life!

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choice!

Dr. Hal

Life and Life and Mental Fitness Coach

The Freedom Choice

THE FREEDOM CHOICE

I WANT FREEDOM FROM “THE WAY THINGS ARE”,

SO I WILL MAKE A NEW OR DIFFERENT CHOICE!

 

In situations that enslave and limit you, you can say to yourself,

“I WANT FREEDOM FROM MY PAST”.

“I WANT FREEDOM FROM THIS”.

“I WANT FREEDOM TO BE”.

“I WANT FREEDOM TO HAVE”.

“I WANT FREEDOM FROM THE WAY THINGS ARE”.

After making one of those powerful declarations make a new choice. Your new
or different choice may be a thought, feeling, behavior or activity.

As often as possible during a day refresh and energize your mind by finishing the
thought: “I WANT FREEDOM FROM” or “I WANT FREEDOM TO.”

As THE FREEDOM CHOICE becomes more meaningful to you, you will become aware that you create your environment with your choices. Once THE FREEDOM CHOICE becomes a regular part of your experience, there will be new meaning to the statement:

I LIVE WITHIN THE ENVIRONMENT CREATED BY MY CHOICES.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

The Freedom Choice is one of the tools for recreating your life from my companion books, The North Star Mental Fitness Program and I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices.

Sport's Solution for Marriages

One of the purposes of this blog is to apply sports psychology to problems in everyday living.  Today, I'm going to tell you about a catchy phrase used by the U of M basketball coaches.  A phrase that could resolve marital conflict.

The Wake up Choice

The Wake up Choice is a reframing choice to improve your life by reinterpreting or reframing the problems and symptoms in your life as signals of emptinesss. 

No matter what your problem, the problem is signaling that you are empty inside.  Likewise, no matter what symptom you are experiencing, it is a signal that you are empty inside.

For example, signals of emptiness could be anything including:

• depression = signal of emptiness,
• anxiety = signal of emptiness,
• anger problems = signal of emptiness.
• criminal activity = signal of emptiness,
• relationship conflicts = signal of emptiness,
• financial problems = signal of emptiness,
• parenting problems - signal of emptiness or 
• panful thoughts or feelings - signal of emptiness.

 Rather than dwelling on the signals of emptiness, learn to read the signals.  The above signals are not the "real problem" even though they usually thought to be real problems.

When you have a signal of emptiness, it is necessary to figure out what you want, what you need and then take action to get what you want or need.  After you have taken action to achieve your wants and needs, the signals of emptiness will no longer be present.

However, your signals of emptiness will return, when you are empty and you do not have what you want or need.  You will have an empty signal, when you have not been taking good care of yourself.  This process is very normal.  It is very normal to have signals of emptiness so we can take action to satisfy our wants and needs or make good decisions to take care of ourselves. Learn to make the Wake Up Choice.

THE WAKE UP CHOICE:  I Wake up to the Realities of Emptiness and the Signals of Emptiness in Others and Myself!

 The next time you become aware of a problem, interpret it as a signal. Find out what you want, need or need to do to take care of yourself.  Then go for it.

Remember You I Live in the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental FItness Coach

 

The Wake up Choice is one of the chapters from my book, I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices!

Que, Sera, Sera

Did you remember the Doris Day classic, Que, Sera, Sera?  Perhaps you remember the the words "whatever will be, will be.  The future is not ours to see---que, sera, sera".

Doris Day had a wonderful voice and the song seems so uplifting.

I liked what Leeza Gibbons, Founder, of the Leeza Gibbons Memory Foundation wrote about Doris Day's popular song.  She wrote "the words always made me feel so powerless.  It's true, of course-- the future is not ours to see-- but it is not a matter of "whatever will be, will be".... It is a manner whatever we can do that might change it--- that is what the future will be!"

I certainly like Leeza's insight.  We can have a very significant influence on our future.  How we think, feel, act and relate will determine our future, both short-term and long-term.

It is because of the power of choice making regarding our future, I wrote the book, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!.

It Is Safe to Say We Live within the Future Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal
Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Leeza Gibbons' quotation was in the book, Preventing Alzheimer's, which was written by William Rodman Shankle, M.S., M.D. and Daniel G Amen, M.D.

 

Are You a Man Blinded by Your Logic

It is well-known that men have difficulty in relationships with women, because they interact in such a logical and unemotional manner.  For a man thinking logically feels right and natural.  It is very difficult to conceive that our logic may be wrong.

When Right and Wrong Thinking is Wrong

It Is Not a Matter of Being Right or Wrong in Your Marriage!

It Is Only a Matter of Being Genuine, Committed and Honest!

Remember, We Live within the Marriages or Divorces Created by Our Choices!

From

Dr. Hal and the North Star Mental Fitness Program

Does Your Child Have an Empty Heart?

Read about Empty Heart, if you are a parent who acts as if your children don't feel.  Please read about Empty Heart, if you have purposely, inappropriately or unwittingly rejected or unnecessarily been angry towards your children.