North Star Mental Fitness

Waiting for the Perfect Time

"Perfect times"; waiting for "perfect times" was the driving theme in his life. 

He was a muscular man.  For over 40 years he has been a body builder. He was a hard working, retired factory worker.  For forty years he labored in the factory, looking forward to the "perfect times" of retirement.  Now, he has been retired for over one year.

Looking back over his career and retirement, he became angry.

"I was waiting for the perfect time.  It never came."

Self care is taking care of me!

The motive "I want to take care of me" is the North Star inside of you. Unfortunately, many people are not aware of this motive.

For many people the motive sounds selfish. Are you selfish, if you fill your car's gas tank at a self-serve gas station?

No, you are not selfish if you have the money and can fill your gas tank.

Similarly, you are not selfish, if you make decisions to take care of you.

• You are not selfish, when you satisfy your wants and needs.
• You are not selfish, when you have a balanced life.
• You are not selfish, when you successfully accomplish your goals and live your dreams.
• You are not selfish, when you live your values.
• You are not selfish, when you have fun in your life.
• You are not selfish, when you have sensitive and satisfying relationships.

Let the motive, "I want to take care of me," be your North Star. Let the motive "I want to take care of me" ground you and give you a clear, dependable, guiding light for your life.

Remember, You Live in the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

60,000 Thoughts a Day

How many thoughts to you have on a daily basis?  According to Possibility Coaches, we have approximately 60,000 thoughts a day.

That is a lot of thoughts.  Out of your 60,000 thoughts yesterday, how many of them were determined by your conscious mind?  Did you purposely choose to change a thought or make a new thought?  Did you question any of your thoughts?  Did you decide that any of your thoughts were wrong or lies? 

Did you consciously began to think differently than in the past, because you want to change your life?  Did you consciously decide to frequently repeat thoughts in order to change the quality of your life including how you feel?

These questions are extremely important for you to consider and answer.  Most of our thoughts are automatic and not consciously created by us.  Unfortunately many of our thoughts are determined by past disappointments, fears, anxieties, painful issues and unsolved problems.  As a result, we frequently have automatic negative thoughts that control our mind and destroy our well-being.  Because we are so gullible to our own thinking, we accept our thinking as true even when it is not.

I urge you to interrupt the repetitive pattern of absorbing the same worn-out thoughts as true.  You do not have to be a prisoner to your own thinking.

If you want freedom, happiness, peace of mind and control of your life, then it is mandatory that you consciously take control of your thinking!

How you think will determine how you feel, act, and relate.  How you think will determine the quality and destiny of your life.  True mental fitness is determined by consciously interrupting the pattern of automatic thinking and consciously thinking thoughts that will provide you with a window of opportunity to be the person you really want to be.

Remember, We Live within the Lives Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Walk Out of Depression and Anxiety

Do you want to avoid psychiatric medications?

If you do, consider walking.

Jasper Smits is a researchers and director of the Anxiety Research and Treatment Program at Southern Methodist University in Dallas.  Dr. Smits reported the following findings regarding walking. 

“Individuals who exercise report fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression, and lower levels of stress and anger. Exercise appears to affect, like an antidepressant, particular neurotransmitter systems in the brain, and it helps patients with depression re-establish positive behaviors. For patients with anxiety disorders, exercise reduces their fears of fear and related bodily sensations such as a racing heart and rapid breathing.”

Why not begin walking today?  Why not choose to be less anxious and depressed?

Remember, We Live within the Bodies Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

 

The Freedom Choice

THE FREEDOM CHOICE

I WANT FREEDOM FROM “THE WAY THINGS ARE”,

SO I WILL MAKE A NEW OR DIFFERENT CHOICE!

 

In situations that enslave and limit you, you can say to yourself,

“I WANT FREEDOM FROM MY PAST”.

“I WANT FREEDOM FROM THIS”.

“I WANT FREEDOM TO BE”.

“I WANT FREEDOM TO HAVE”.

“I WANT FREEDOM FROM THE WAY THINGS ARE”.

After making one of those powerful declarations make a new choice. Your new
or different choice may be a thought, feeling, behavior or activity.

As often as possible during a day refresh and energize your mind by finishing the
thought: “I WANT FREEDOM FROM” or “I WANT FREEDOM TO.”

As THE FREEDOM CHOICE becomes more meaningful to you, you will become aware that you create your environment with your choices. Once THE FREEDOM CHOICE becomes a regular part of your experience, there will be new meaning to the statement:

I LIVE WITHIN THE ENVIRONMENT CREATED BY MY CHOICES.

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

The Freedom Choice is one of the tools for recreating your life from my companion books, The North Star Mental Fitness Program and I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices.

Mental Fitness for Mothering

Mental fitness training is for people in everyday life. Mental fitness training is to give people options so they can turn recurrent problems and the resulting devastating, emotional pain into new solutions and emotionally satisfying experiences.

No matter how many times the recurrent problems surface of a relationship, most people respond with their "usual, customary and familiar responses".

Usual and customary responses are either highly emotional or intellectual, automatic reactions to another person. Familiar responses are automatic responses that we have learned from our childhood, friends and the media.

In all relationships, there are recurrent problems. A goal of mental fitness is to help people change and avoid the automatically expressed, "usual, customary and familiar " responses that quickly escalate into severe conflicts and emotional pain.

I read about a mother's longing for mental fitness training to help her navigate raising her four teenage children. I'm going to quote from the author of 1000 Days to Fitness.

"Tonight was one of those evenings where every conversation with my daughter turned into an argument, even though the topic of conversation was about keeping her safe and having her feel loved.

When things go wrong in these conversations we both get caught up in emotional outbursts. Neither of us can hold back. We bring out the worst in each other. My focus, being a good mother, translates to her as a nosy, crazed, over-bearing idiot of a woman. And after she cuts me down a few times I actually do become rather crazed and idiotic, to the point that I say things I don’t mean."

If you are a parent who is trying to navigate parenting adolescents and want to to avoid feeling and acting as a "nosy, crazed , over- bearing idiot" of a parent, consider mental fitness training. Although it is difficult to stop "automatic" emotional and intellectual responses, with mental fitness training there are strategies and hope for you.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

It Doesn't Matter

"It Doesn't Matter" she said to herself.   She was a married woman who loved her husband and cared deeply for him.  She was distraught and sorry for hurting her husband again.  Once again, she had been unfaithful to him.

There was no doubt that it did matter to her.  It mattered that she remain married.  She really wanted to have a good relationship with her husband.  She was empathetic regarding her husband's pain.  She wanted to stop her new husband.  So why, did she continue to devastate her husband?

I believe that it was the result of an ANT.  Dr. Daniel Amen defined an ANT as an Automatic Negative Thought.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WAS HER ANT! 

What Is Your Goal for Yourself?

So many people lack goals for themselves.  Too many people fail to set relationship goals.  I was talking to a man separated from the woman he loved.  He felt distraught over their separation and almost resigned to living in a way he did not want.

Relationship Momentum

Today I'd like to borrow a term from sports and apply it to relationships.  The word is

MOMENTUM!

Do Not Let Your Problems Define You!

Acceptance!  Getting to the point of accepting weaknesses, problems and the negatives in life is so important but difficult to do.  Usually when we talk about acceptance, we talk about breaking denial.  Humans have a way of knowing things superficially and failing to actualize or achieve what we know we should.  This is denial.

We must break denial in order to find acceptance.  Alcoholics must break the denial about their drinking in order to enter recovery.  People with illnesses and injuries, often times, live in denial and make their conditions worse.  Sometimes we must accept what we do not want to accept.

What happens when we finally accept what we do not want to accept.  We can allow our lives to continue as normally as we can or we can allow our problems to define our lives.

Acceptance means not allowing our problems to define our lives!