North Star Mental Fitness

How to Tame Your Anxiety

Anxiety can be managed effectively by learning to think about it differently than most people do. Most people think of anxiety and panic as a psychiatric symptom that can greatly limit one's life and evedn destroy the quality of one's life.

It is very possible to take the fear and panic of anxiety by changing how you think.

If you understand the basic information about a car, you have the ability to overcome anxiety.

Both cars and people can be anywhere from empty to full. We all know that when a car gauge goes over to empty, it is time to refuel. We know that it is normal for a car to be anywhere from empty to full. A car is not broken, when it goes towards empty.

We also know that the car gauge has a signal, so we know when the car needs gas. We trust the signal. We recognize the signal. We don't analyze the signal or think the car is broken. We automatically "read" the signal and put in some gas.

People can be anywhere from empty to full. We are empty, when we don't have what we want or need or we need to take some constructive action in our lives. We are full, when we are satisfied and have made good decisions to take care of ourselves.

Anxiety and panic can be our signals, when we are empty. If you look at anxiety and panic as signals, then you can choose to accept the signal and figure out what you want, need or need to do for yourself.

Once you have satisfied you wants, needs or taken constructive actions to take care of yourself, you will be satisfied and the anxiety signal will go away.

We can learn to recognize and accept signals of anxiety as normal. It is important to think of anxiety as a signal rather than a problem or an illness.

You can take control of your anxiety and welcome your anxiety by learning to think about it as a signal .

Remember, You Live within the Body and Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Are Your Eyes Fixed on the Setting Sun or Rising Sun?

Living in the Now is the place of freedom.  If you want freedom from the past, live in the present!  It is impossible to be free by trying to live in the future.  We only can be free or not free in the present!

Carrie Muskat reported on how a baseball player feels about living in the present. Carrie wrote "When the Cubs players walked into the clubhouse Saturday, there were some words of wisdom on the message board."  The following message was left for the Cubs after another loss.

'You can't see the rising sun if your eyes are fixed on the setting one,' it read. "Yesterday is history.  Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called present. Conquer the now."

Carrie reported "First baseman Carlos Pena was believed to be behind the message, but he said it was one of the clubhouse attendants.

Pena said "I like it,  To be able to turn the page, and I'm talking about every cell in your body detaching yourself from the past and detaching yourself from the future and focusing on the now.

If you think about it, you can handle the present moment. I can be totally present this second and give 100 percent this second, and that's doable. Sometimes when we try to take too much on, whether we're carrying some baggage from the past or thinking too far ahead into the future, then all of a sudden I'm absent from the present moment. So, focus on the now!"

You may not have had as much futility as the Chicago Cubs in pursuing your goals.  You may not have been focusing on the next year or the future as much as the Cubs.

Nevertheless, Living in the Now applies to all of us.  It is important to "Conquer the Now"!  We need to really detach from the past as well as the future.  Don't vacate the present.  Living in the now is doable for all of us.  Focus on the Now!

Remember, We Live within the Now Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

How Important Are Grandparents?

From a sociological perspective, more and more grandparents are spending their golden years taking care of their grandchildren.  In many societies, grand parenting is a vital part of the family structure.  In our highly mobile society, grandparents are not involved within the family structure.  In our highly disposable society, grandparents may also become disposable.

At least, sometimes, grandparents feel as if there is an expiration date on their relationship with their grandchildren.  Grandparents may feel insecure in their place within the family structure.  They may question their importance.  Some grandparents are fearful of over-extending their boundaries and fearful of self-actualizing in their role as a grandparent.

In the last few weeks, I've been talking to a man who has been extremely concerned about his grandson.  This grandfather had  bonded with his grandson and now does not have any contact with his grandson.  This grandfather made a very difficult decision.  His daughter was abusing drugs.  He confronted his daughter.  Since she was resistant to entering substance abuse treatment, he asked her to leave his home.  She took her son and has refused any contact between her son and the grandfather.  

I have also been talking to a man who has been a wife's nightmare.  He has been a serial cheater.  Analysis of his childhood indicated that he was always fearful of his mother removing him from his grandmother.  He perceived his grandmother as loving him.  He became fearful of forming close relationships.  His wife became like his grandmother.  He knew his wife loved him.  Whenever there was potential conflict, he ran away from his wife into another relationship.

As I thought about these two men, I began thinking about the importance of grand parenting.  Grand parenting can provide psychological security, love, values and stability for grandchildren.  Grand parenting can definitely assist parents in raising their children.

I ask you, how important is grand parenting in your family?  Is it important for you to have grandparents play a crucial role in raising your children?  It is important for your  children's grandparents to feel secure, spontaneous and free to be themselves with your children?

Remember, We Live WIthin the Families Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Why You Should Encourage Your Wife or Girlfriend to Buy Shoes!

Have you ever noticed that women like to buy shoes.  Dr. Daniel Amen explained why women like to buy shoes and why man should encourage women to buy shoes in his Brain Health Report for October of 2009.

Mental Blindness

At the North Star Mental Fitness Blog, I wrote a post regarding change blindness.  Change blindness refers to our difficulty with perceiving visual changes, when we are briefly distracted.

Mental blindness is also possible.  Let me explain what I mean by mental blindness.  Neurolinguistic theory hypothesizes that we have a "reproduction" of the world in our head.  Our psychic perception of the world is, oftentimes, out of sync with the external world.  The external world always has much more opportunities and possibilities for change than the psychic re-creation of the world in our head.

Our psychic re-creation of the world is motivated to not change and maintain its existence.  It is hypothesized that the psychic re-creation of the world operates on three principles.

1. Integrate:  Whatever perceptions, feelings or information that are consistent with the psychologically created perception of the world are allowed access into the psychologically created world and are used to validate psychological perception of the world.
2. Delete:  Whatever perceptions, feelings or information that are inconsistent with the psychologically created perception of the world are deleted and denied access into the psychologically created perception of the world.
3. Distort:  Whatever perceptions, feelings or information that are inconsistent with the mindset of the world and have have not been deleted are twisted or distorted.  The inconsistent information is depreciated and a negated through the process of distortion.

These three unconscious processes can make us mentally blind to changes within our lives.  Our perceptions of people will be resistant to change once we have drawn our conclusions about them.  Our perception of life will be resistant to change.

Information that will challenge our belief system and values will fail to register in our minds, if the information is not consistent with our belief system and values.  We will tend to distort other people's different and inconsistent beliefs and values in order to make them fit into our mindset.

Unconsciously, maintaining a resistant psychological perception of the world in our heads is motivated to provide psychological security and stability.  Unfortunately, these unconscious processes prevent change and growth.  Unfortunately, these unconscious processes will prevent us from recognizing external danger and the limitations in our perception of the world.

We need to be extremely aware of how our unconscious mind will limit us or blind us.  We must pay attention to new information and changes around us in order to be adaptive, safe and growing. 

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Stretching

Lately, I've learned to appreciate the importance of stretching.  Struggling with a problem with  my Achilles tendon, I have learned the importance of stretching.  Stretching can reduce pain.  Stretching allows me to move and do things.  Without stretching, I imagine my life would become much more sedentary and unsatisfactory.

I read an interesting post on stretching entitled "The Most Important Thing to Do: Stretching".  Alvin Soon from Life Coaches Blog wrote:

"Stretching is the act of doing something that you know is good for you and/or good for others and it scares you". 

Stretching is necessary for for both physical and psychological reasons.  Psychologically, we all grow when we stretch and go beyond our perceived limitations or leave our comfort zone.  Making new changes in our lives may beeasier to do, if we consider it as "merely stretching".  If we do not stretch, we do not grow.

Alvin pointed out "your comfort zone is also your zone of power.  The more things in your life you get under your ability to handle, the wider your zone, the richer and greater your life becomes. A bigger comfort zone usually comes with a bigger sense of self-confidence, self-trust, more life experience, and a snowballing effect as you grow to want to grow even more."

Stretch!  Start stretching and become the person you've always wanted to be!

Three Ways of Thinking about Time

How you think about time is extremely relevant as we live in such changing times.  One of my clients shared these three ideas with me.  His ideas were:

1. Be cognizant of your past,


2. Live in the present, and


3. Adapt to the future.

I liked these three ideas.  Too often we allow our past to consciously or unconsciously determine our present, rather than just recognizing our past.  Too often we fail to live in the present due to worry, anxiety or depression.  Too often we fail to realize that life is continually changing and we must adapt in the future.

I believe that this would be a good guide for people to follow as they progress through the various stages of life.  I believe that these ideas are also a good guide for coping with aging and the problems of changing health.

Acceptance: Can You Really Accept?

Can you accept what you don't like in your husband or wife?  Are you willing to accept what you don't like instead of expecting your spouse to change?

Oftentimes, what we don't like in our relationships or our partners are signals of emptiness! 

Most of time we wish that we would not have to deal with the disgusting, frightening and obnoxious signals of emptiness in our spouses or ourselves.  We expect

Is the Stimulus package Stimulating Learned Helplessness?

President Obama acknowledged an "astounding" number of job losses in February.  In spite of the numerous signs confirming our declining economy, President Barack Obama believes his $787 billion economic recovery plan is saving jobs.  President Obama wants us to believe, "I know we did the right thing."  These quotations are from Darlene Supeville, an Associate Press Writer.  Darlene wrote an article entitled Obama on stimulus, "I know we did the right thing".

We know the intended purpose of the stimulus plan was to save jobs and resurrect our economy.  Psychologically, one would hope that the stimulus plan would empower people to become self-confident, self-determined and committed to actualize their psychological and vocational abilities.

If the stimulus plan is creating learned helplessness,

New Year's Quitting

Quitting New Year's resolutions is something you did not want to happen, but very likely has occurred or will occur.  Most people give up on their New Year's resolutions before the end of February.

Why does this happen?  It is not an accident that people quit!  At The Positivity Blog, there was a very interesting posting on "Do you make these 7 mistakes when trying to keep your New Year's resolutions"?

These seven mistakes are:

1. You really don't want it that much.
2. You can use homeostasis with "time to give up".
3. You don't know how to handle your bad days.
4. You're not changing your environment to suit you.
5. You don't have a realistic plan and expectations.
6. You're focusing on too many resolutions at once.
7. You let temporary failure or mistakes lead to giving up completely. 

Can you see yourself making these mistakes?  These mistakes are all reflective of a stronger motivational pattern.  This motivational pattern can best be summarized as "we wanted to quit".

No matter how desirable and worthwhile your New Year's resolution may be, there will be a very strong power inside of you that wants to quit.

We need to accept the normalcy of wanting to quit.   We need to not deny the reality of our wanting to quit doing the things that are good for us.  We need to confront our motivation for quitting.

The desire for quitting will take many forms, such as the seven mistakes listed above and probably many, many more.

Give yourself freedom to quit and then decide whether you want to quit or not.  The motive to quit will be as strong as the motive to actualize your New Year's resolutions.  Therefore, it is important to make a decision about quitting.

Remember You Live with Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach