North Star Mental Fitness

Waiting for the Perfect Time

"Perfect times"; waiting for "perfect times" was the driving theme in his life. 

He was a muscular man.  For over 40 years he has been a body builder. He was a hard working, retired factory worker.  For forty years he labored in the factory, looking forward to the "perfect times" of retirement.  Now, he has been retired for over one year.

Looking back over his career and retirement, he became angry.

"I was waiting for the perfect time.  It never came."

Re-wiring Urges

Urges for smoking, addictions and over-eating are like an electrical switch. Something is turned on by both urges and electrical switches.

An electrical switch turns lights on and off. Urges to smoke turn on smoking. Urges to over-eat or eat wrong, turn on obesity.

We all know when there is a bad connection, electrical lights can be re-wired. Can urges be re-wired?

Do you want to stop smoking? Do you want to stop drinking? Do you want to stop over-eating or eating wrong?

If you do, please follow our advice. Do not try to stop smoking, drinking or over-eating for two weeks. Re-wire your urges for two weeks before you choose to become free of your addiction.

We do not want you to try to become free from smoking, by trying to stop smoking! We do not want you to try to become free from drinking, by trying to stop drinking! We do not want you to try to become free from over-eating, by trying to stop over-eating!

Instead, re-wire the urges. I talked to a lady today about re-wiring her urges to smoke. In the past, smoking urges resulted in smoking almost all the time.

I suggested that we re-wire her urges to smoke. I asked her what lights she wanted to put on her freedom circuit?

Her first light was an affirmative statement: "I am stronger than my urges". Suddenly, she felt stronger and more excited. We talked a bit more.

Her second light included all the "benefits" she will have in her life if she does not smoke.

She will practice for two weeks and re-wire the urge for smoking to light up the awareness, "I am stronger than my urges" and "I want the benefits from not smoking! After two weeks she will continue the activation of the new circuit from the old switch.

Do you want to re-wire your urges? If you want help or more information for re-wiring your urges, please email me.

Remember, You Live in the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

Willing & Acceptance

Willing to accept is a key to success.  Today I talked to a proud man with 60 days of sobriety.  He has been working his program passionately.

It is amazing what he has learned about the importance of being willing and not resisting the necessity for changes in his life. 

Acceptance has become a new reality in his life and not just in regard to drinking.

Choose Thin

Taming urges for eating forbidden foods is a struggle. Remember when you committed to becoming thin and you lost weight. Recall how good you felt with your new body image and outlook on life.

 

Although you enjoyed your thinness, eating right was still a struggle. You liked your weight loss, but the gorgeous sights and enticing aromas of your favorite foods, the forbidden foods, were

beginning to fill your mind. Besides, eating the right foods was becoming a chore.

 

The more you denied yourself of the stuff you really wanted, the more you seemed to want it.

What did you do? Did you eat the forbidden foods or did you eat the right food?

 

Denise Wakeman has a wonderfully human, website, Slim People in Progress, for people who want to be healthy and slim

 

In one of her postings, Denise asked for strategies to reduce this struggle. I gave her this suggestion.

 

Imagine, your desired, forbidden foods with their tantalizing aromas and delicious appearances in front of you. Now visualize yourself taking two steps towards the tempting foods. Stop and turn around. Now you are no longer looking at the desired foods and the attractive foods are no longer in your sight.

 

Now visualize yourself walking towards the thin you. You want the benefits from being thin. Fill yourself with the benefits from being thin. Immerse yourself in your thinness. Notice your energy, the lightness in your step, and the ease of your movements. Enjoy what you see in the mirror. Realize your improved health. Feel your emotional well-being. Claim your happiness and peace of mind. You are free.

 

Take the time and make a compelling and satisfying list of benefits for being thin. You can only have these benefits if you are thin.

 

Now, the struggle is no longer between eating and not eating forbidden foods. You will never make the choice to not eat forbidden foods.

 

Now, you will choose to eat the forbidden foods or you will choose to enjoy and keep your thinness and the benefits from being thin.

 

I have written about this strategy, The Turn Around Choice, and why it works in my two e-books I live Within the Environment Created by My Choices and The North Star Mental Fitness Program. Please visit, Nirth Star Institute, Inc., my website for your mental fitness needs.

Remember, You Live in the Environment Created by Your Choices!

 

Dr. Hal

Live and Mental Fitness Coach

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Did I Gain Weight?

Weight loss deleted:

She has been very successful in losing weight.  She was going to the gym and eating right.

Then she started to gain weight.

What went wrong?

Affirmation for Overcoming Social Anxiety

Social anxiety can be very stressful and significantly prevent people from enjoying relationships. One of my clients applied The Freedom Choice from the North Star Mental Fitness Program in a very creative way to manage her social anxiety.

Her affirmation is very short and enabling her to feel relaxed and comfortable in social situations.

She has been affirming

"I am free to express myself and feel relaxed if I say nothing ".

She has been feeling much more relaxed in her social relationships and feels like she is becoming the person she was before she had social anxiety. She has replaced worrying about what she will say in a social situation with just given herself permission to express herself.

I feel that this affirmation is applicable for most of us. So why not give it a try in your next social situation.

Remember, We Live within the Environment Created by Our Choice!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

It Doesn't Matter

"It Doesn't Matter" she said to herself.   She was a married woman who loved her husband and cared deeply for him.  She was distraught and sorry for hurting her husband again.  Once again, she had been unfaithful to him.

There was no doubt that it did matter to her.  It mattered that she remain married.  She really wanted to have a good relationship with her husband.  She was empathetic regarding her husband's pain.  She wanted to stop her new husband.  So why, did she continue to devastate her husband?

I believe that it was the result of an ANT.  Dr. Daniel Amen defined an ANT as an Automatic Negative Thought.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WAS HER ANT! 

Are You Prepared for Life without Success?

What defines you?  Are you defined by your successes, failures or roles in your life?  If you define yourself by your successes, what happens when you are no longer capable of being successful?

Are You Prepared for Life without Success?

Let us take mothers for example.  How many women define themselves as mothers for many years during the parenting time of their lives.  Then comes the empty nest.  Many mothers have difficulty with the empty nest, because they have identified themselves as  "mother".  They have not prepared themselves for life without mothering.

We could also think about the successful athlete, entertainer or artist who could be easily tempted to define themselves by their successes.  If a successful athlete's identity is determined by their accomplishments in the world of sports, what happens to them when they no longer are able to engage in their sport.  Are they prepared for life without their success?

Lately I've been aware of married people, who lost their partners.  Some of them have not been prepared for life without their partner.

Everyday there are people who are losing, retiring or changing their jobs.  Some of these people are not prepared to deal with life without their vocational identity.

We could even consider those who are struggling with illnesses.  Many people are not prepared for dealing with life once their health deterioraes. 

We will define ourselves differently and we certainly will defines success differently. 

I read a very interesting article by Eric Adelson on Greg Harden.  Mr. Harden has been like a Life Coach behind the scenes at the University of Michigan.  He has helped professional athletes such as Tom Brady navigate through the difficult times in their lives.  He has taught them to focus in on what they can control and achieve in their lives.  He also has prepared them for life without sports.

Eric wrote "That’s really the essence of what Harden does: he prepares athletes for a life without athletic success. Because eventually, athletic success will end. So Harden challenges athletes to gauge their worth without relying on plays or stats or wins."

I ask you the question:

 Are You Prepared for Life without Success?

Remember, We Live within the Lives Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach

The Wake up Choice

The Wake up Choice is a reframing choice to improve your life by reinterpreting or reframing the problems and symptoms in your life as signals of emptinesss. 

No matter what your problem, the problem is signaling that you are empty inside.  Likewise, no matter what symptom you are experiencing, it is a signal that you are empty inside.

For example, signals of emptiness could be anything including:

• depression = signal of emptiness,
• anxiety = signal of emptiness,
• anger problems = signal of emptiness.
• criminal activity = signal of emptiness,
• relationship conflicts = signal of emptiness,
• financial problems = signal of emptiness,
• parenting problems - signal of emptiness or 
• panful thoughts or feelings - signal of emptiness.

 Rather than dwelling on the signals of emptiness, learn to read the signals.  The above signals are not the "real problem" even though they usually thought to be real problems.

When you have a signal of emptiness, it is necessary to figure out what you want, what you need and then take action to get what you want or need.  After you have taken action to achieve your wants and needs, the signals of emptiness will no longer be present.

However, your signals of emptiness will return, when you are empty and you do not have what you want or need.  You will have an empty signal, when you have not been taking good care of yourself.  This process is very normal.  It is very normal to have signals of emptiness so we can take action to satisfy our wants and needs or make good decisions to take care of ourselves. Learn to make the Wake Up Choice.

THE WAKE UP CHOICE:  I Wake up to the Realities of Emptiness and the Signals of Emptiness in Others and Myself!

 The next time you become aware of a problem, interpret it as a signal. Find out what you want, need or need to do to take care of yourself.  Then go for it.

Remember You I Live in the Environment Created by Your Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental FItness Coach

 

The Wake up Choice is one of the chapters from my book, I Live within the Environment Created by My Choices!

Mindsets For Success

What motivates you?  What is your mindset?  Your mindset is important in every aspect of your life.

We have a very depressing economy.  The value of our property is depreciating due to the mortgage fiasco.  Many people are worried about maintaining their employment or have lost their employment.  Financial pressures magnify problems within marriages and families.

Your mindset determines your financial, interpersonal and psychological status in your life!  Today I would like to talk about three different mindsets.

When things go bad in life, many people often exercise the mindset of "not losing".  They seem to have a mindset that says "I don't want to lose".  Although this mindset may be appropriate at some times in our lives, it usually results in people becoming defensive and protective of themselves and their resources.  They try to hold on to what they have rather than increasing what they have.  They try to hold onto who they have been rather than growing and changing.  They are motivated to not lose rather than to win!

The second mindset is a mindset to win.  With this mindset a person is motivated and dedicated to win.  No matter how bad the circumstances are, this person is motivated to win at all costs.  You probably have heard the saying "when the going gets tough, the tough get going"!  With this mindset, people, often times, are obsessed with winning.  They view life as competition and they always have to win.  They seem to not enjoy what they accomplish and who they are.  They are devastated when they cannot win.

The third mindset is a mindset leading to self-actualization and growth.  Problems in living are perceived to be opportunities; opportunities for learning, changing and growing.  Dr. Alan Goldberg put it this way "You must let go of that obsessive need to win or beat others (which is actually limiting you) and instead focus on being the very best that YOU can be. Simply put you must make your goal improvement, NOT winning.

Steve Siebold writes about the differences in mindsets between the middle class and millionaires in his new book, How Rich People Think.   Steve wrote  "It's no mystery why 1% of Americans own 42% of the country's wealth. The good news is the rich are no smarter than the rest of us, they just think differently about money. The secret is to learn their thought processes, habits and philosophies and copy them. It's that simple, and this is what this book is all about."

In your relationships, are you:

1. Trying to not lose?
2. Trying to win?
3. Trying to grow and be yourself?

In your financial life, are you:

1. Trying to not lose?
2. Trying to win?
3. Trying to grow and be yourself?Remember,

Remember, We Live within the Relationship and Finances Created by Our Choices!

Dr. Hal

Life and Mental Fitness Coach