Relationships are often times very difficult. At tiesm relationships between mothers and grandmothers are especially difficult. I am quite sure that the relationships between mothers and grandmothers can be associated with tremendous emotional pain for both the mothers and grandmothers.
The purpose of writing this post is not to blame either mothers or grandmothers for the difficulties in their relationships. I am writing specifically regarding the relationships between mothers and their spouse's mother.
I am writing to identify some of the automatic negative thinking used by mothers and grandmothers to make their relationships conflictual, damaging and emotionally painful. "ANTS" or automatic negative thoughts as identified by Dr. Daniel G. Amen are basically lies generated by our unconscious or unintentional thinking. Unfortunately, mothers and grandmothers have difficulty rejecting these thought patterns that seem plausible, but are unfortunately emotionally damaging to the well-being of mothers, grandmothers, spouses and grandchildren.
Sometimes mothers have these ANTS:
- Grandmothers don't think the mothers are good mothers,
- Grandmothers are trying to replace the mothers as mothers,
- Grandmothers are trying to make the mothers parent like the mothers parented their daughter-in-law's husbands,
- Grandmothers think they are always right.
- Grandmothers don't like the mothers.
Sometimes grandmothers have these ANTS:
- Mothers don't want grandmothers involved in grand-parenting,
- Mothers don't think that grandmothers are capable of safely caring for their children,
- Mothers want grandmothers to only do things the way the mothers want them to do things,
- Mothers are selfish, insecure and have to be in control,
- Mothers don't like the grandmothers, the grandmother's advice or personalities.
All of these ANTS and many unidentified ANTS often seem right with past experience, but will always turn out wrong in current relationships. These ants need to be avoided. I am quite sure that neither mothers or grandmothers want the other to think these thoughts.
So if as a mother or grandmother you begin to think or feel these ANTS crawling around in your head or mind, destroy the ANTS quickly. Use good mental fitness.
Mothers realize that grandmothers only want to be included and valued in relating with your child and supporting you as a parent.
Grandmothers realize that mothers want you to be included in the development of their child and also want to be valued, acknowledged and accepted as the parent of the grandchild.
Remember, mothers want what is best for their child and children. Remember, grandmothers want what is best for their grandchild and grandchildren.
Remember, We Live within the Families Created by Our Choices!
Life and Mental Fitness Coach