Yesterday, I shared with you the story of a woman who based her happiness on her children and her husband.
She found genuine happiness and meaning in her life, when she was able to take care of her children and her husband. She was ecstatic when her children and husband recognized her efforts and were content.
Basing her happiness on her children and husband seemed so natural for her in the beginning. She eagerly looked forward to being a good mother and wife; satisfying the wants and needs of her children and husband.
What went wrong? Why did she become so depressed? If basing her happiness on her children and husband made her depressed, what should she do?
Over time, her children and husband began taking her for granted. They began to expect her to give and they learned to take. Before long she was giving and giving. Her family stopped recognizing, appreciating and valuing her and her giving.
Continuing to give without feeling connected and important to her children and husband started her on a depressive spiral. She continued to give, while becoming more angry and depressed.
She felt she was not making her children and husband happy anymore. She felt unappreciated. Unable to stop giving, she became driven to give and take care of her children and husband. Gradually, she lost her identity, her life, and her happiness.
What should she do? She needed to base her happiness somewhere else. She needed a balanced life again. She needed to reconnect with her friends and previous forms of recreation. She needed to reconnect with herself and reclaim all that she had lost in the process of continual giving and caring for others.
She needed to base her happiness on "I'm taking care of myself"!. Learning to self-actualize herself will make her happy.
Learning to actualize herself will actualize meaningful relationships with their children and husband. Basing her happiness on the choices she makes to take your herself reduces the risk of being depreciated and taken for granted by her family.
Learning how to replace motives to take care of others with the life motive to take care of you is the purpose of The Big Choice. If you really want to take good care of your children and husband, you must learn to take good care of yourself, like yourself and respect yourself. Real taking care of your children and husband is expecting them to respect you and helping them learn how to be responsible for themselves
Remember, You Live within the Environment Created by Your Choices!
Life and Mental Fitness Coach